Itchy

Today, the scar feels a bit itchy...

I scratch it slowly, just enough to counter the itchiness back...

But it keeps coming back

The review

From the scan images, Dr. Chee said it's the residual of the tumor build up around the wall make it looks like it relapse. Pheww.. I'm relieve to hear this. Further treatment can be delay as it might subside. Cyber knife can be done but it's not urgent. So, me and my partner decided to delay it as I just completed one major brain surgery last December. Plus the words from my Dr.

I'm now busy with weight lost programme cater to myself by yours truly. I can only do brisk walk as other sports are not recommended by Dr. Chee. So, evey morning after drop off my sister at komuter station, I'll go for a morning walk at UKM stadium. 3-4 rounds each day. In the evening, I'll go for another brisk walk for 4-5 rounds. Guess, I've accumulated enough fat for the past 3 months. I need to shed some pounds. I can barely fit into my working attire. I'm not gonna buy new attire! Hello running shoes!

Review day

Tomorrow is the review day with my Dr. Wish me luck!

Away

I was away. Im back now. Went back to my hometown for a fresh air and different environment. Its good for my recovery process. At home, I just being like a kid again. Played with sand in the evening, went to the seaside. I even run for the first time-by the beach! I totally forgot that I had a surgery about one and half month ago.

I eat my favorites foods there- lekor and banana fritters. Yummsss!! Mom cooked everyday for me. I'll helped her by doing other chores. Sweep the floor, mopping, and clothes department- almost everyday! Since they renovated the house- which is bigger now, sweeping and mopping is not an easy task.

Phewww...thats why is only almost everyday. With my restrictions on movement, I'm pretty proud with my progress. I can do house chores dddddddd! Awesome!!!

Tried traditional medicine for three days. No, I'm not forgetting my medicine given by the doctor. Nothing much to comment on this.

I shall write about my post surgery scan once the review done with my doctor on Friday. 

Darling partner is now back in Singapore. I miss you darl! 

Second opinion

Darling's partner aunt who work with Harley Streets Group manage to secure a slot of appoitment with Dr Chee on the following Monday itself. Early in the morning before I off to work, I was thinking should I bring the scan images or not. I just tell myself to bring it along with me just in case...

I brought it to the office and decided to call my superiors for a short meeting in regards to my illness. I called Brian-Regional Manager, Aloysius-HR, John-my team leader. We had a serious meeting in Brian's office. I break the news and showed them where the tumor is. They just listen to me and I feel like I'm a neurosurgeon at that point of time. HAHAHA..

Brian said we(company) will do as much as we can to help you. In terms of supports and financial. Aloysius said take as much time as you need. Your job will be there, waiting for you. I knew I'll be in a very long leave and jokingly said to John, I'll not be able to finish my appraisal test on time. They said I'm strong to face this. For me, there's no use for me to cry. The tumor is there and I need to look forward to cure my illness. If I'm not strong, what about my parents? Sisters? Partner? Not to forget about my second opinion appoitment at 11am, Gleneagles Kuala Lumpur with Dr Chee.

At about 10-ish I went down, grab a cab and off to GKL. The taxi driver try to cheat on me. The fare is RM16. I gave RM20 and he said, no small change. What? How can you drive a taxi without small change. I insist on my balance!!!! I met aunt at the lobby and heading to Dr Chee's suite. There's about 4-5 patient waiting there. I need to wait for quite sometime before the assistant called my name.

Since the Dr knows aunt, the chatted like friends and it makes me calm. The Dr then asked me few questions on my background and we discussed about my illness. He showed me where the tumor is, and insist to remove it as soon as apossible due to its position. Bottom back near my water cavity. He don't know what my tumor consist of, if it's contained pus&burst insidemy brain, it'll threatening my life. He asked me to go for surgery on the Wednesday itself,admit on Tuesday. I asked him if its can be postpone to Friday. He said yes.

The chronology is fast

Saturday-First MRI-KPJ Kajang

Monday-Second opinion-Gleneagles KL

?Tuesday-Admit

?Wednesday-Surgery

Thats crazyyyyyyy!!!!

The road not taken

Sometimes your guts and feeling can be very strong.

At this point of time, I need to be independent me.

Forget about people's advise and follow my instinct.

You'll never be able to count on one's opinion.

Too much opinion? Definitely drive you crazy! 

When I take the route labeled A, people of route B totally not happy with it.

I detour and take route B, people of A&C see it as a wrong choice.

Everyone got their opinion,but not every opinion suite me.

Why can't they understand that?

Should I just kill myself in order to satisfy everyone's opinion and desire?

The result

And the result is, I have a tumor inside my brain. 2 cm in diameter and about 5 inch deeper(away from the skull). I was speechless when the Dr. Soezy said that. A bit blurr and I just go...

Me: Oh, its like a tumor is it?
Dr.: No, IT IS A TUMOR. So, how? Should I need to refer you to my colleague who is a neurosurgeon?
I don't know what to do-seriously!
Me: Ermm..I need to talk to my HR first (Dang! still thinking who's going to pay for the fee)
Dr.: I'll refer you to him la eh? He's our visiting Dr. Not sure when he'll come. Maybe this afternoon/night. Depends on him. If he can't come today, I'll discharge you.
Me: Ok Dr.

Then Dr. Soezy left me with some other informations. I didn't cry at all. I just pick up my phone and started to call people. I called my partner first who is in Singapore. I ask him what will he do if I'm no longer around? HAHAHA..come on, definitely he needs someone to take care of him. Other chicks of course! He seems quite when I told him off. He can't believe it and ask back, "You already know is it there's something wrong?" NOOO..I got no idea at all that I'm sick. Just happened I don't feel good about myself. He suggested I talk to his aunt who happened to work with Harley Streets Group. Maybe aunt can suggest few good neurosurgeon and I can go for second opinion..

I called aunt and she totally shock about the news. We talked for quite sometimes and she mentioned few neurosurgeon that is registered with Harley Street. One of the first name she mentioned  is Dr. Chee Chee Pin. She asked me to check the company website, decide on the Dr. and let her know. She then will help me get an appointment with the selected Dr.

I didn't check the website straight away. I played games, sleep, perform my prayer downstairs. I told my sister too. She just keep quite all the way during the phone call. Come on! I'm not gonna die tomorrow. There's time for us to fix this. I refuse to let my parents know cause dad has coronary problem and mom has blood hypertension. No older people at home to look after then if something bad happen.

*** I need some sleep ***

Next: The neurosurgeon visit

Yahhhooo

Yahhhhoo..
Dah boleh langkau sebaris.
Dah boleh tekan Enter..
try tengok sini..
Berkesan sungguh!
Nanti nak try dekat ipad.
Agak2 lepas tak kalau nak masuk kan gambar nanti?

Tewas #2

Sendirian,
Di hadapan makan malam,
Aku tewas lagi
dengan perasaan.

Sape mahu kelihatan tidak menarik?
Besar, gemuk..
Sudah cukup aku disogokkan, dimomokkan
Dengan kata2..eh,ko tau tak ko makin gemuk?
Ada tak ko cermin diri kau kat cermin? Makin gemuk aku tengok.

Tidak cukupkah penderitaan yang aku alami?
Di mana peri kemanusian?
Tidak kah ada sekelumit kasihan?
Hayat ku bukan seribu tahun,
Kenapa tidak diberi kesempatan?

Bukan menidakkan kebenaran,
Cuma mahu pengertian,
Cacilah, hinalah aku saat jasad dikandung badan,
Usai becerai, usah ditangisi, diratapi...

Kurang sihat

Dah 2hari aku muntah2 di pagi awal subuh hari...

Muntah kosong, muntah air. Sakitnya perut...

Kalau ada makanan, mesti lagi sakit kan?

Tak cukup dengan muntah, boleh pulak mimpi berlari2?

Kejar apek jual eskrem macam kat rumah arwah atok dulu.

Apakah aku kena cari eskrem sekarang?

Hmmmm....